Thinking

Do you ever have the type of moments that I have? Moments that you think. Think. You think about everything and you cannot stop thinking. Often there is no real logic in those thoughts or you are not even really thinking about one thing in particular. Your brain just keeps on going. Thinking about work, about love, about life, about memories from the past, about dreams for the future, about what to wear today and where to go tomorrow. Thoughts very often seem to be coming based on feelings. Feelings that I cannot always find the right words for, but they are just there.

Lately I have a lot of these thinking moments, or of these moments that I just feel, but I cannot get to the bottom of it it exactly. My thoughts are jumping around as if they were playing on a trampoline, going from left to right, from high up in the air and back to lower ground levels. When I have these moments I sometimes start surfing the web. Not that I know what I am looking for, but obviously I am restless, so I guess I am looking for inspiration. For new inputs that can help me deal with my jumping thoughts. Other moments I step out and try to get a moment for myself. Do some yoga and pilates, try to meditate - try yes, because I am still not really sure what this meditating business really is about. But I know it helps me to relax a little, so that’s all I need to know for now. Another thing I start doing when I have my trampoline thoughts and restlessness is writing. Writing words on paper. Or typing letters to appear on my laptop screen. I write whatever comes to my mind, like I’m doing now, trying to sort out what it is that I cannot really get too.

OK, I have to be honest here. I actually already know this time. I have been thinking so much already, have had my stepping back moments, and my surfing the web for inspiration moments. I kind of have a clue. What is keeping me busy on my mind are considerations about work, ambitions, passions - and about what field I want to be involved in. I guess I am one of those many end-of-twenties-beginning-of-thirties-ladies that has a lot of doubts, worries, moments of confusion about where I am in life and where I want to be, or want to go. I am one of those typical ‘children’ of the ’80’s and ’90’s that grew up with so many possibilities and chances in life, that now it can sometimes be too much and too confusing. (For the Dutch lady readers, Geertje Couwenberg en Lisette Kreischer wrote a fabulous book about this generation Y, 10WYS - a must read!). Perhaps also too demanding, or with too high expectations?

So here I am, starting up my new life in Australia and finding that all very exciting and challenging. Here I am living together with my great man in a great city with lots of great people around me. Here I am having completed two Bachelor degrees and started a Master that I decided to withdraw from. Here I am with a backpack full of life experiences and ideologies that I carry around with me every day. Here I am, full of energy to do many great things and start new adventures. Here I am, ready to dedicate myself to a new challenge where I can put my ideologies into practice and hopefully inspire others. And here I am, trying to apply for all sorts of interesting or potentially interesting jobs, and not getting there. Do you see me? I am here, ready to start doing great work for great companies or organisations, to spread my energy and passion, to do something great for the world, or this country, or this city, or the suburb maybe, or just the neighbours? I am here, wanting to work my ass off and use my saved up energy to get things done. I am stuck.

Of course food is one of my passions. I have been very actively involved in the ‘food fight’ in the last years. Have dedicated many hours of my weeks to getting some great things done to spread the story behind food and to inspire more young people to make conscious food choices. Will quite likely continue in this direction, because I absolutely love it. Love it! But as I have my thoughts jumping around, up and down, left an right, I have come to the realisation that food is not my only passion. Might sound very obvious to you - of course Dutch Cheesegirl, you surely have more passions than that - but it has taken me a little while to get down to this. Before I started my ‘food fight’ I was always following the last news on fashion. Art, design, museums, architecture - yep that too, influence or the creative Dad. Always looking for general inspiration for a more sustainable lifestyle - influence of the ‘hippie’ parents. Fantasizing about starting up my own business - shared thought processes with my brother. Getting very excited about young entrepreneurs that came up with brilliant ideas and just did it. Did it! And writing, always writing.

While I am looking for work here in Adelaide, and while I am trying to figure it all out - what do I want to do, what do I have to offer, why would someone want to hire me, what are my ‘skills’ - you know the resume stuff enzo, I feel what I have felt so many times again. I want to be a young entrepreneur. Or maybe I already am a young entrepreneur, but I am still sitting somewhere in my safe little shell, trying to work it all out, and trying to get to that ONE brilliant idea that is going to be IT. I always have ideas for others. Great advice, “don’t forget to do this”, “maybe you could do that”, “I know someone that could help you out with such”, but in the mean time I am just sitting there, in my shell, thinking. Thinking.

For now I will just have to take a first step into my Australian adventure, my life Down Under, and that step is to work for the one job that I got offered after many an application letter. Not THE job. But a good job. I can keep on practicing my Italian, can share my love for Italian food with all the Italian customers that I’ll deal with and probably will end up eating lots of cheese. And that’s alway good for the Dutch Cheesegirl. But outside of working hours, I keep on thinking, and looking for inspiration, and doing my yoga and pilates, and the trials of meditation, to see if one day in the coming months I wake up in the middle of the night and I write my thoughts down again. This time with THE idea that makes this energetic and passionate potential entrepreneur flower...

And what else? I have decided that my blog is not going to be only about food & culture anymore. I want fresh ideas, inspiring things, inspiring people, beautiful products, great places, success stories. And of course some recipes, food for thought and questions about whatever comes to me. Or not.

Here we go!